Bill Gates Wants to Mess with Your Junk

I’m not even kidding. Bill Gates really does want to mess with your junk.

He’s even willing to fork over a few measly million to do so.

The mainstream media recently ran a marathon of headlines about how billionaire Bill Gates was offering $100,000 through his foundation to anyone who could design a better condom. Geek.com even dubbed it “The condom of the future” like some kind of twisted Disneyland attraction. In fact, one of Gates’ ideas hasn’t seen this much news play since he called for reinventing the toilet last fall.

Gates’ Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation website outlines how new condom proposals should “significantly preserve or enhance pleasure, in order to improve uptake and regular use.” Entries so far include a condom slingshot and an origami-structured collapsible prophylactic which has officially piqued Gates’ interest because it promises to “emphasiz[e] the sexual experience”.

At this point, you might be thinking something along the lines of, “Yeah, but that guy is a freaking billionaire with the largest philanthropic organization in the whole wide world. He’ll throw money at anything.” And that’s partly true. But, more specifically, Gates is interested in reproduction in a way that bypasses normal on its way crazy obsession land.

This call for a new age condom is part of Gates’ Grand Challenges in Global Health, grant incentives his foundation offers every year to lure and corral specific scientific research projects into his larger dead-end reproductive schemes. Funding begins with an initial $100,000, but can go as high as a million dollars. Why? The foundation website claims, “The Grand Challenges in Global Health initiative fosters scientific and technological innovation to solve key health problems in the developing world.” (“Key health problems” as designated by Gates and his checkbook, of course.)

The real answer? Because Gates has money so he can spend it on whatever life- and nature-altering technology he wants. Is that ethical? No, not really if you think about it for more than 30 seconds. By the way, who asked him? Oh yeah, that’s right: nobody.

It’d be one thing if Gates’ money was fueling new technologies that truly expanded the future and offered real opportunities, but it’s not. Instead, he’s limiting the future. Gates is hyper-focused on vaccines (vaccines which have been linked to thousands of children in India and Africa becoming brain damaged and paralyzed) and alternatives to reproduction, aka population control.

In fact, the Gates Foundation has a goal to get contraceptives to 120 million more women by 2020. Gates’ wife Melinda told Co.exist, “It’s very hard to connect to 120 million. It’s the human story that really moves people.” The human story of helping humans make less humans?

Some of the wondrous new science the Gates has funded through these so-called “Grand Challenges” read like a mad scientist’s laundry list, and the ultimate designs behind them should scare the average person.

Somewhere over the rainbow, where the rubber(s) meet the road, he has funded edible vaccines, vaccination programs targeting fetuses, nanoparticle cloth that delivers vaccines while it is worn, inhalant powder vaccines that target respiratory mucosal tissue, and mosquitoes that deliver vaccines when they bite people (so, more likely than not, it’ll be without their knowledge or consent).

Also funded are a plethora of contraceptive projects that go way beyond condoms. A bunch of projects that genetically alter, deplete, immobilize or inhibit sperm. A project that takes varicose vein treatment foam and tries to use it to close a woman’s fallopian tubes. One project that scientists claim “will test the feasibility of developing a vaginal tablet containing adhesive microcapsules that would adhere to the vaginal wall and release spermicidal agents upon contact.” (Did they just say they are going to fill women’s vaginas with sperm-killing glue?! Sounds…pleasant.) Projects for bacterial vaginal suppositories (not sure which sounds more horrifying, filling a vagina with glue or bacteria…gross).

Icky shivers aside, the list, unfortunately, goes on and on and on. Just last year, Gates funded research on permanent edible contraceptives via an oral bait that sterilizes the rats who eat it (pro tip: if it can do that to rats, it can do that to people, too).

I’m so glad that the guy behind the blue screen of death and countless buggy versions of an operating system he bought off a Seattle nerd is redefining the life cycle and using modern technology to “improve” your reproductive system.

By his own admission, Gates’ father was the head of Planned Parenthood, an organization rooted in eugenics and population control. Gates has repeatedly met in secret with “The Good Club” — a grouping of fellow eugenicist billionaires like Ted Turner (the “world needs a one-child policy but he himself has five kids” guy), David Rockefeller (of the über wealthy eugenics family who founded the Population Council, etc.), George Soros (Open Society Foundation), Michael Bloomberg (nanny state proponent) and more, all to specifically discuss overpopulation and what they’re going to do about it.

Who designated overpopulation to be a legitimate problem in the first place and appointed them to do anything about it anyway? Still not sure.

Gates has also gone on record to advocate death panels:

and he’s talked about how if we “do a really great job” with new vaccines and reproductive services we can cut the world’s population by 10 to 15 percent:

His foundation is partially funded by stock in Coca-cola, McDonald’s, and Monsanto (the genetically modified affront to nature with products like Agent Orange, DDT, and frankenfoods linked with infertility and cancer in independent lab tests).

So while the mainstream media makes it sound all cute and fun and trendy that Gates is going to make a modern, feel-good condom, just know that the man has other designs on you that ultimately go way beyond silly bedroom banter. (And just who invited Bill Gates into your bedroom anyway?)